GAYLE Opens Up About Observing Chaos, Growing Up, And Finding Herself

BY SASHA BASANT

After three years of taking a step back to grow, GAYLE returns with her debut album “Observing Chaos.” Following the success of her single “abcdefu” Gayle became a yes girl, taking nearly every opportunity that came her way. This led to touring with artists like Taylor Swift, P!NK, and Tate McRae, while spending years constantly on the move. As the lines blurred between the artist she was becoming and who she was as a person, GAYLE decided she needed to take a step back. While the break was unplanned, the space allowed her to reconnect with a person she was before her massive success. 

Observing chaos is a direct reflection of that growth, giving GAYLE the space to explore parts of her that she hadn’t brought into her music before. From a long-term relationship and heartbreak to her sexuality, the album gives listeners a glimpse into the experiences that have shaped who she is. 

Having acknowledged the success that she has had, GAYLE is allowing this album to reflect where she is now, rather than looking back, giving listeners a more personal look at her growth. After years of having her life viewed from the outside,  Observing Chaos offers a more personal look at the person behind the music. In an interview with Televised Magazine GAYLE discussed what it was like to step away from music,  grow into adulthood, and exploring more personal parts of her life through her debut album Observing Chaos.

It's been about three years since your last EP. You've described this gap as a period of stepping back and growing personally. What did stepping back look like for you?

GAYLE: After the success with abcdefu for years I was simply saying yes to almost every opportunity I could possibly accept for a few years, and while I was able to do so many incredible things my life, I felt like I was trying to catch up to something, trying to fit in and cram every opportunity that I possibly could into my life. The veil between what feels like your personhood and your artistry can become extremely thin, especially the longer you’re on tour, and I was starting to find it difficult to hold onto the person I was before touring and my success, when that person was seventeen and now I’m twenty-two trying to grow into the adult I am today. I came home and realized I didn't know what to do with myself when I wasn't chasing something. So I took the time to feel like a self sufficient adult... I almost de-aged myself in some senses when it came to trying to really figure out what’s important to me outside of music, I wasn't trying to act like a professional musician who can be whatever you needed whenever you needed and I needed to grow up in the fact that I didn't know how to take care of myself when all my clothes and belongings weren’t in a suitcase and backpack.

What made you realize you wanted to take that step back?

GAYLE: You know I will say I wish it was more of a conscious decision, I just kind of accidentally stopped making music and posting on tiktok every day and it just accidentally felt really good, and then after a few months of me basically doing nothing, is when my manger and I sat down and had a really honest and difficult conversation on creating a realistic timeline of how much time to take off versus how much time to take to make the album versus when to really start getting “back at it” again.

Was there a point during those three years when you felt lost about what came next?

GAYLE: I think more than lost, I was overwhelmed. I have a deep competitive desire to constantly be great and I already was dealing with my own insecurities of being a teenager adding social media and touring was just giving me new vessels to project my insecurities onto. I felt like I was doing so many things for the first time, and I just felt like I couldn't be playing my best show and making my best album when i’m doing both for the first time so I felt a little lost to know when the time would be right to stop touring and make an album but I think I knew the time and opportunity would present itself and it’s not like I was going to say no to the incredible artists who asked me to open up for them! 

Sometimes before taking on a new project we feel like we're not quite equipped yet. Was there anything you felt like you really needed to learn about yourself before you could make this album?

GAYLE: I think it was really good for me to learn how truly difficult and tedious it is to make an album. I made a joke the first week in the studio saying “wow, who knew how hard it is to make an album” but also truly, how do you know unless you do it?! 

You spent years touring with artists who have built such deeply rooted careers in music. What did watching them teach you about the kind of artist you want to become?

GAYLE: Every artist I went on tour with, songwriting was such a huge part of their story. Every artist had experimented and grown with their sound and stood up for themselves to make the music they believed in and they were able to be so passionate and expressive because they put themselves in the center of their music and more importantly every artist I went on tour with really cared about the fans' experience. I saw multiple artists play the same songs to thousands of people and YET have it still have the audience feel singled out in an intimate experience.

‘abcdefu’ is still your most streamed song. Was there ever a point where you felt like you were being defined by a song you'd already moved past emotionally? 

GAYLE: You know I think due to how much abcdefu has streamed over my other songs, I feel less defined by this one song and feel more like it’s less “my” song and gets to be anyone and everyone’s song. That song is so much more than me and my artistry, I’ve been told hundreds of stories of what that song means to other people and that shows me that Sara Savis, Dave Pittenger and I really did accomplish something that day with that song. we made something that the world took and made their own.

Was there anything that you wanted this album (Observing Chaos) to explore that you hadn't been able to explore in your previous EPs?

GAYLE: I’m putting songs out about liking girls on the album, which overall I don’t really write songs about “liking people” but I realized that I haven't really acknowledged my sexuality in my music and I do find that exciting and freeing to be acknowledging something that has always been a part of my life, especially with my debut album. I'm also talking about a long term relationship that I've never talked about, and I am also talking about my struggles and my own insecurities with the lack of loyalty that was maintained at the end of our relationship. Overall I haven't really put out a song about the relationship itself OR the break up and that was a really big part of my life for years. there’s a few songs that didn’t make the album, that I hope will come out later on an extended record that continues talking about my relationship with success and social media, one song continuing talking about my confusion and frustration with death and religion as well.

If GAYLE from three years ago could sit down and listen to ‘Observing Chaos’ today what do you think she would take away from it?

GAYLE: I think I would take away that I've finally started to make the music i’ve been hearing in my head ever since I was fourteen, I just didn’t know how!

The three singles you've released so far from the album seem to capture very different emotions. From the carefree energy of ‘junebug!’ to the vulnerability of ‘loving you is’ and the impulsiveness of ‘bite the bullet’. How does that emotional range reflect what you wanted to capture across Observing Chaos?

GAYLE: While all of these songs on my album are written under a pop structure at the end of the day I’m drawing inspirations from different genres of music and I wanted the singles to lightly hint at those different inspirations. junebug! is representative of the songs off this album that are inspired by indie/bedroom pop, while loving you is, is really derivative from my love of just a “perfect” pop song and also my love for a good power ballad and a chorus I think is catchy, and bite the bullet is hinting at the more of the rock/pop influences on the record while still being pretty similar to vocal production junebug! has. the album is representing my love of pop music while also exploring my love for different genes while touching on multiple subject matters and I felt like those three songs off the album did a good job on reflecting my overall goals of what i’m trying to lead in to for this album without feeling like I’m giving everything away.

Rather than understanding, what is something that you hope fans feel when they finally get to hear this album? 

GAYLE: I hope that they hear that I am a just person. I am human, and humans make mistakes and are SO imperfect. I have my own insecurities and I'm definitely not always the person that I always want to be but deep down I do have hope for myself. I hope that they hear that you can see someone’s life from the outside and come up with as many theories on how you THINK they’re  feeling as you want but at the end of the day if you’re not the person. You truly only know what that person let’s you see and what they’re willing to tell you.